Help! I Married The Wrong Person!

September 2, 2009 - 3:49pm — bafadmin

When marriage gets tough, the answer is not to run out on your spouse (not to mention the kids), but to stick it out. The problem with just leaving the relationship is that you have to take you with you! If you messed up the last marriage and didn’t learn anything, then you will mess up the next one too! The answer is to stay together, to let the dream die of “someone out there that’s better,” and realize that GOD IS BIG ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR CURRENT MARRIAGE WORK! Time and again I hear of couples struggling to stay together and I can tell you that time and again there are only a few things that consistently will create the best odds of making a marriage last:

1. Spend uninterrupted time together every day.

2. Keep no secrets no matter how painful it is to reveal.

3. As and act of worship to God, begin serving your spouse immediately…even if you don’t feel like it.

4. Choose to never bring up divorce as an option.

5. Cut off all relationships (even friends and family) that encourage you to divorce your spouse.

6. If you need it, go see a counselor…I can hear you now saying “it’s too expensive!” Trust me, divorce attorney’s cost more.

I have to confess, I may come across a little strong here, because I married well above my head! Having said that, these principles work. Hope this helps. Comments anyone?

Comments

September 3, 2009 - 1:24pm — Abraham De La Garza (not verified)

I can vouche for these steps

My wife and I are a young married couple. We'll be married 2 years come this Sept 22. However not so long ago, divorce was in our immediate future. Constant fights, bickering. Every fight ended up with one of use saying "It's over" or "Why aren't we divorced yet?" At one point I was even out of the house staying at my parents for a night to cool off after a heated argument. It was there I had time to sit back and ask myself a lot of tough questions. It was there I knew I wasn't the best husband I could be and decided to make a lot of changes toward making this work. I got rid of a lot of bad habits such as deleting my myspace account and turned my energy to making it work such as spending more time with her, taking care of her. We even both went to counseling which is actually very affordable and helps a TON! Also the secrets things was the worst part. Both parties were hurt in our case but in the end we both feel closer now and also relieved at the same. I admit, when I was alone at my parents house part of me just wanted to give up, throw in the towel. But something inside my heart wouldn't let me give up that easily. It was like God was telling me "Come on now, I know you can do better ;)" Our relationship now is completely different from what it was just months ago. Even our friends notice a better bond between us. We are not out of the woods yet but we finally see a path to follow, together. See you Sunday morning Bill! Abraham

September 3, 2009 - 12:04pm — David A. Flores (not verified)

Marriage...

Pastor Bil, True that! We need to start with the realization that our marriages are such beautiful and wonderful gifts from God, and like all good and wonderful things he gives us, it’s usually not about us. It’s about him. A marriage is how we learn to become selfless. From my 11-year experience, I only recently came to understand what I had been missing in my marriage. It took a big slap in the face, but I realized that I needed to take myself out of the equation. When I centered things on what I wanted to do and what I liked, the family hurt and I was miserable. Man, serving my wife by actually being proactive about doing things around the home and with my children has changed everything. It’s funny how much better I feel at home when I get things done that save my wife time and headaches. Thank you for your teaching and your God centered principals, I appreciate you!

September 3, 2009 - 10:36am — Rachell Sabo (not verified)

I have to say, putting

I have to say, putting your trust in God to mend a broken marriage really is the only answer. My husband and I were at rock bottom and seperated. We were at a loss; we absolutley thought we had tried everything. We had pretty much given up. We had been through several years of trying to make things work. Finally, in our brokeness we gave in and visited BAF. It was our last effort ,as they say. That set things in motion and we have never been the same. We reached out to our beloved Brian Crown and the holy spirit worked through him to help start healing us and our marriage. It's hard to explain; its like God grabbed hold of us and wouldn't let go. We now see eachother in a completely new light. Our marriage is totally restored and divorce is definetly not an option. We keep growing closer to God and eachother with every passing day. No, the journey has not been a walk in the park; we had alot to work through. But with God's strength and guidance we have come sooo far.It's amazing what God can do to restore a marriage when you open yourself up and let him work in you. Just stay focused on Him and that will get you through anything.